I haven't bogged in a really long time, I have wanted to for the past two years, and have needed to but couldn't bring myself to. How do you write ab\out life when you have no idea where life is going. How do you share your inner thoughts and desires when you don't know what they are anymore?  So much has happened over the past 2 1/2 years I don't even know where to begin. I've thought a lot about it and have decided that I'm going to start with the current and then do "highlight" posts about what has transpired since I last posted at the end of 2012.

However I'm going to do a quick overview of the major incidents so if I refer to something it will make more since. I don't know why I stopped posting other than the fact I have a really hard time talking (or writing in this incident) about hard times. I don't like to get attention or have someone fill pity for me. Our lives are all relative, each of us has had trials and has had hard times and struggles unique to our lives. Mine aren't any harder than yours just different, and unique to me. God has equipped us all with different abilities and talents and I believe that if we take the time to develop and nurture them we all have the ability to not only survive our experiences but come out better for them.

~The end of January 2013 I contracted the influenza A flue and it attacked my nervous system and I ended up having a heart attack with a stint put in as well as 13 strokes. February was a really long month for us. Chad said that he watched me almost die 3 different times. 
~In May 2013 Chad passed away in his sleep VERY unexpected. Talk about ROCKING my world upside down and flipped all around!!!
~A year of "first"s" without Chad in them.
~May 2014 starting a new year without Chad and no new "first's". One of the hardest years of my life I think.
~October 2014-April 2015 home life was very difficult for us. The boys were not able to regulate very well to not at all, which also made it very difficult for me to regulate. I'm not sure how we all survived, but we did and that is what is most important. 
~April 2015 Finally some peace with the help of an amazing Dr and everyone is starting to be able to regulate and enjoy spending time together again!
~June 2015 Steve (my little Brother) passes away, another ROCK your world event.
~July 2015 I shut down for the first time in this 2 1/2 years (really bad). Thank goodness my Dr helped me, even though I hate meds and having to take them I'm so grateful that she was able to help and I started and am feeling more like me.
~August 2015 staring school and starting the next chapter in our lives, I'm a full-time Mom now and doing my best to be the mom that all my kiddos need right now. 

Thank you for visiting my little blog and 

coming back after being gone for so long. 

Here is to the next chapter in our family's adventure!!!

**I wrote this on August 9th and it was in a "draft" status, 

Just to explain it just showing up.

I'm ready to be back!!**

Women's Conference September 2011

Like just about everyone else that I know that saw 

President Uchtdorf's never forgettable talk: Forget Me Not 

I was truly touched and even though I'm posting this a week later I started it the night we all heard him address us. I put together this collage that night because I couldn't get his words out of my mind and I just wanted to capture the the way I was feeling and one of the best ways that I could do that for me was through pictures. I have had it on my wall paper all week and printed and posted on my front door so that I could think and ponder his words during the entire week.

I haven't gone to the church to listen to Women's Conference in some time, I have either watched it online or read it latter when it was posted. I was inspired that I needed to attend this time. I had been struggling some with all that we have going on in our lives right now and just that morning was feeling a failure as a Mother. Now I know that all parents have such feeling; that is just where I was last week. I enjoyed all of the talks, however when President Uchtdorf began to address us I knew that his words was the reason that I had been inspired to be there that night. The 5 pedals represent the 5 points of his sermon. I will not ever again be able to look at a Forget Me Not again and not think of and ponder on his talk, it was beautiful and touched my life for good.

I was also inspired to ask my niece Ashley to attend with me and I am so glad that I was able to listen to the Spirit in-spite of my failing feelings at the time. We went out for Ice Cream afterwards and we were able to just sit and talk like we haven't been able to before... no kids or teasing husband around to interrupt us! It was a great girls night out and something I really needed and enjoyed the opportunity to bond more with Ashley.

The night was a spiritual and personal high for me and helped me to

regain some ground and start anew. Something that I was truly in need of!! 

I am SO GRATEFUL that the LORD still reveals to us his love for us through his Disciples. 

I am SO GRATEFUL that I listened to the spirit and didn't ignore the promptings that I received. 

I am SO GRATEFUL that we have a LOVING Heavenly Father that knows his children and what they need, and that he never leaves our sides, and caries us when he knows we don't have the strength any longer on our own. 

I am SO GRATEFUL for the knowledge that I am HIS Child and I will be once again in his arms one day!! as well as my earthly Parents!! Oh how I miss them and having that cheering section in my corner, but also GRATEFUL for the knowledge that I will once again be with them as well and my boys will have the opportunity to know and love them.

I am a Harry Potter fan!! and I am so excited because I am going with Ashely my Niece (here at BYU) to the opening night of Deathly Hollows Part 1 tonight (well in the morning) at 3:30!! It is my first time going to an opening and I am so excited!! I will share pictures latter because I plan on taking some for sure!! Yeah!!! 

I have been thinking about things *I know scary huh* with the new year coming in a few days as many of us are. I've been asked before in the resent years, "What do you like to do for fun Tammy, what are your hobbies, etc." Well I haven't been able to answer that for the longest time. I jumped completely into a career and drowned my life into if for 10 years. When Mom died I told myself that I needed to re-find myself, that I didn't want to be known as a "good worker" and "good boss" but rather a good wife, sister and friend. So for 5 years I've been searching for the path I wanted and needed to be on. I know, why so long? I'm not sure, but there is a plan and I've needed to follow it. Sometimes I think that you have to totally loose yourself in order to really find yourself. I've never been known for taking the easy road :)

So where in the world am I going with this you may be asking?... My posts are getting a little wordy lately... not as much to post about without the kids running around :(... but anyways back on track. I have re-found one of my all time favorite things to do COOK!! most Anything and Everything!!!

I LOVE cookbooks and love to collect them!! I use to have a New Recipe Dinner night with friends once a month (a long time ago now). Problem with that is that Chad hates to try new things and isn't too keen to having people over, however he's been feeling better with it lately. I'm hoping to in some way find a compromise for us both and be able to do something along this line again, but in the mean time I'm enjoying getting back to my cooking!! and in new ways that I've never done before :) ie: I've started cooking totally from scratch (as much as I can) and I'm really enjoying that. You never know what REAL FOOD tastes like until you use non-processed food!! you know the stuff you grow yourself or that you see, touch, and smell you know the real stuff el-natural!! LOVE IT!! Can't wait to afford to do even more of it!! :) :)

Photography and crafts have been something that I've always enjoyed and have been getting back into as well... *side note- I think that I have about 7,000 pictures of the boys now. I wanted to capture every moment I could, I think... **

Couponing is a passion that I am re-kindling and enjoying. This is a benefit to the whole household and to me, so it's a defiant WIN WIN... I think I'm going to add one more to the list... Thrift shopping ... I use to when I was younger and a little here and there, but I've seen some really cool things done with "finds" and I would like to FINALLY do some decorating to our home and I think that this could be another WIN WIN!! We'll see....

I also have a plan for this year to strengthen my bonds with my family and friends. This isn't at the bottom on the list just where it fit here because I started talking about what I was doing to help make me a more well rounded person again. This little project is number one on my list for the year (just before getting back into shape). It's shaping up to be a great year ahead of me!!

So these are the things that I am doing to re-find the inner Tammy and I'm starting to enjoy the journey more each day!!!

I have been asked to share some of the sites that I've been getting some of my new recipes from... I have posted some of them on the right sidebar near the bottom. 365 Days of Slow Cooking has some really great Crockpot recipes!! She is almost done with the year, I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to post her link here. I found her a few months ago I think that if you check it out you'll find at least a few that will work for you and your family :). What's Cooking is where I found my recipe for my homemade Laundry Detergent we're using.

Have fun checking them out and I'll have fun sharing some of my NEW ADVENTURES this year!! :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!

2010...I'M READY FOR YOU!!

BRING IT ON!! :) :)

Be prepared this is not one of my “usual” or “typical” posts. It is a soul baring post, which is probably more for me than anything or anyone else.

21 years ago today October 6, 1988 I gave birth to a precious little gift from our Heavenly Father. He was 9lbs 11oz and 21” long. I had him 14 hours after my water broke, and was mostly able laugh (with happiness and nervousness) all the way through the labor including “transition” (which was predicted by my whole Lamaze class) and I rarely share this story with anyone. He had all 10 fingers and toes, why is it that we feel so strongly about checking that detail? I remember so much about that day, and I’m more and more grateful for that due to I seem to be forgetting so many details (the past couple of years) of my life that have ALWAYS been SO CLEAR TO ME.

I really feel that I need to tell my story, if for no other reason so that I have a written record for myself and for anyone that might care about it latter in life. Here are some of the details that I remember from that day some of which are more vivid than others:

1. I was living with my Grandparents for the last 4 months of my pregnancy (story there). I woke them up and told them it was time to take me to the hospital. They asked if I was sure and how I knew… really??.. I muttered my water has broken. Well they got up and started getting ready while I called my Aunt Nadine (she was my coach) to let her know to meet me at the hospital. We lived about 4 miles from the hospital and she was a good 30 min away. I had asked Grandpa to give me a blessing before I left for the hospital, I knew my life was about to be changed forever and I needed the Lord at my side. Apparently he was unable to do this without being freshly shaved, so I waited (patiently for being in active labor may I add). So I got my blessing and Grandma and I got into the car, as we were backing out of the driveway we stopped at the end of the driveway while she put her lipstick on (she was very nervous for me). Don’t worry these are very precious memories for me that have always endeared me to my VERY LOVING Grandparents. I must add that my Aunt got to the hospital 25 min before we did… lol :)

2. There was an overflow of expecting mothers that early morning, and I was placed in an “overflow room” with 4 other women in labor. It was a custodian closet…I’m not kidding!! The woman behind the curtain to the right of me had a visit from her Dr. the very same Dr. that “dropped” me as a patient 6 weeks before my due date because he FINALLY “heard” me during a check up that I was going to be doing an adoption. That very moment he refused to be my Dr. It was a very upsetting and dangerous situation for me. Have you EVER TRIED to find a Dr take on a patient 6 weeks before a due date??? It took a lot of string pulling and PRAYERS!! Well this obviously upset me to see and hear him. My Wonderful Aunt, I knew I had picked the very RIGHT person for the job, went and MADE them move me to a private room RIGHT away. This was also good because my little one had fallen asleep and had decided that he wanted a little more time with me.

3. My mom was called and she rushed down (from our home 6 hours away- back then due to speed limits-but she made it in I think 4 1/2 hrs) to be with me, or to make sure that I made a decision that she would be happy with, which was NEVER a contributor to my decision to do what was the best thing for my little one and his life. Mom had never had labor with my siblings; her longest was my brother –go figure right lol- which was 20 MINUTES!! WHATEVER!! So she “freaked” out to see me in full labor. Things got a little stressed and with my asthma that was not a good thing. My aunt came in and did what NO OTHER person would ever dare or be able to do!! She told Mom to calm down or get out!!, told you the right person for the job. Mom calmed down and I went back to laughing and playing Uno… all was good again.

4. My little one was brought into the world. He was taken to the nursery and I was removed to a different ward, without my knowledge or permission. I’m sure that Mom thought she was helping but I NEVER told her what that night and next morning were like for me or even what happened; in fact we never talked about that day EVER. Due to the ward/floor change I was no longer protected from “others” knowing that I was there. The father to my little one, that wanted different things than I, was able to find me. They patched the call to me (not knowing that I forbid any calls and I was suppose to be “hidden” on the directory) I was devastated and tortured for the next 3 hours on the phone. There were some medical complications due to this and the knowledge that the Lord blessed me with some month’s earlier, that this was going to be the only child I was going to bear, later came to be, due in part to this event.

They were also instructed to restrict any contact with my little one, again without my knowledge or permission. FINALLY I was able to force my rights to see my little one and to hold him and let him know how much I LOVED HIM and ALWAYS would. I reassured him that his Parents would love and care for him and give him a wonderful life. His big sister that also was brought to their parents through another mother was very excited to have a little brother and was going to help him and watch over him as I had for my siblings. I only had an hour with him because he was going to be taken home (well that was the plan- story here too..) to his parents. It was an hour that has never left my mind nor my HEART. I know for some that would have been impossible to do, but I needed him to know, I needed to know that I was able to tell him that I would ALWAYS love him and he would always be in my heart. I sent with him a very special blanket that was made especially for him to always keep him warm and be as my arms wrapping around him and a Teddy Bear to watch over him from his “first” mommy.

To set the record straight on one thing, even though this was a troubling time for my mother as well as me I know that she was trying to do what she thought was best for her daughter. I know this even though it did take some time for me to feel this. I had a hard time with her decisions for quite some time and wished that she had trusted me enough to honor my wishes and let me make the decisions that I knew to be best for me. I have never been a week person and have had to deal with tough choices many times in my life (even at that young point in my life). I am grateful that the Lord helped me and saw fit that I was able to get what I needed and that my Mom never had to deal with the knowledge of what I needed to do. I love my Mother and the sacrifices that she had to make on behave of the love she had for her children. It wasn't an easy life nor the one she wished for, but I know that she did the best she could and always loved us. She gave me a LOVING family and life that I will NEVER regret and will always be BLESSED by.

The following are some poems that really hit home and the brilliant song written about adoption by Micheal McLean that Marie sings here, I have listened to since the day I first heard it (rarely without crying). This is the only audio I could find that I was able share, but she really expresses the DEEP feelings and message that are felt in this song. It is from the Donny and Marie Mother’s Day Show on Fox in 2000. I remember watching this live and was touched then by it.

Legacy of an Adopted Child
Author: ????

Once there were two women who never knew each other,
One - you do not remember, the other you call mother.
Two different lives shaped to make yours,
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.
The first gave you life, and the second taught you to live in it.
The first gave you a need for love and the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality; the other gave you a name.
One gave you the seed of talent; the other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions; the other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile; the other dried your tears.
One gave you up - that's all she could do.
The other prayed for a child and God led her straight to you.
Now you ask through all your tears the age-old question through the years;
Heredity or environment - which are you a product of?
Neither, my darling - neither - just two different kinds of love.

Sharing
By Elaine Rideau Tomlin

In the stillness of the morning -
In the hush before the dawn -
A cry screams through the silence -
And a new life has been born.

And she wonders what will happen -
To her newborn baby girl* - (*boy for me)
How she wishes she could keep *him -
And protect *him from the world.

But she knows that there are "others" -
Who would gladly give the world -
To have the chance to hold and love -
Her precious little *boy.

And she prays to God for guidance -
As she holds that tiny hand -
With the desperate hope that someday -
Her child will understand.

So she bravely signs the papers -
And the tears fall from her eyes -
As she signs away her baby -
The light inside her dies.

One last kiss she gives her darling -
For the "others" have now come -
To claim the life she gave them -
Now a family has begun.

And with heavy heart she watches -
As they hold "their" little *boy -
How she wishes she could somehow share -
A small part of their world.

But she knows this will not happen -
That for her it cannot be -
And always she will wonder -
About the child she'll never see.

NOW the times, they are a'changing -
And a new dawn has begun -
Soon ALL will be together -
With new hope for everyone.

© Copyright Elaine Rideau Tomlin...Adoptee...1986

How many times have I heard
the word "choose" in this sense?
That I CHOSE not to Parent
a child of my womb.
That I CHOSE not to Love
a piece of my Soul.
That I CHOSE not to hear
his very first laugh.

That I CHOSE not to hold him
deep into the night.
That I CHOSE not to help him
walk his very first step.
What I REALLY did "CHOOSE" was
A family to Love him
as much as they could.
A house to be his home
with his very own bed.
A better Life than I could provide
In my circumstance.
And although I know that I can never have back
those thing that I've never lost.
I know that he has them.
And that must be enough.
To the parents who I "chose". Thank you.

© Cherie Leonard

The words to this very special song;

"From God's Arms, To My Arms, To Yours"

So many wrong decisions in my past, I'm not quite sure
If I can ever hope to trust my judgement anymore.
But lately I've been thinking,
Cause it's all I've had to do.
And in my heart I feel that I
Should give this child to you.
And maybe, you could tell your baby,
When you love him so, that he's been loved before, By someone, who delivered your son,
From God's arms, to my arms, to yours.

If you choose to tell him,
If he wants to know,
How the one who gave him life
Could bear to let him go.
Just tell him there were sleepless nights,
I prayed and paced the floors,
And knew the only peace I'd find,
Was if this child was yours.

And maybe, you could tell your baby,
When you love him so, that he's been loved before,
By someone, who delivered your son,
From God's arms, to my arms, to yours.

This may not be the answer,
For another girl like me.
But I'm not on a soapbox,
Saying how we all should be.
I'm just trusting in my feelings,
And I'm trusting God above,
And I'm trusting you can give this baby
Both his mothers' love.
And maybe, you could tell your baby,
When you love him so, that he's been loved before,
By someone, who delivered your son,
From God's arms, to my arms, to yours.
(This poem was based on the writings of a young birth mother, whom she shared with songwriter Michael McClean. It has been set to music and comes with a 100% guarantee that no one who has been involved with adoption in any way will make it all the way through with dry eyes! )

© Michael McLean

Some of my hopes and prayers;

I hope that he has been happy, that he has lived life, that he graduated from High School, that he is strong in his religious beliefs, that he has gone on a mission if he chose to and that he is getting ready to come home, that some day he will want to find me, not to replace his Mother- but to meet his first mom. I have always said that I would start really wanting this from the time he was 21 (hoping to not distract him from a mission), and oh my here it is…

These are just a VERY few of my hopes and prayers but some of the BIG ones…

I can barely believe it. Part of me is crying again and part of me is excited for this new chapter in his life and part is HOPEFUL that he understands and will want to meet me one day,

as I wish to meet my birthmother.

As most of you know by now my new job is as

a School Bus Driver.

This is me on one of the buses. I have really

enjoyed working with this great group of people

and especially the kids!!

I've been able to take Jimmy on his first Field Trip

of the year. I knew for three weeks but never told

him and surprised him when he steeped on

the bus!! I don't know who was more excited :).

I have also taken some of our neighborhood kids

on a field trip yesterday, it was a lot of fun too.

I think that this will be a good fit for us and enjoyable!!

This is one of mine and my sister Kristel’s favorite pictures it reminds us of the three of us when our father past. How old (well close) and innocent we were at that time.

One of the posts that I have wanted to do for quite some time now is this one….

I love my siblings very much, and there is something that can be said about the bond that SISTERS share. I wanted to dedicate this post to my Sisters… I hope that they don’t mind sharing it with my “other sisters” as well.
I am a very lucky person to first have two sisters that mean the world to me. We have been through a lot together, both good and not so good. I LOVE them both so much!! They are two of my best friends. I want nothing but the best for both of them!! And true happiness!!

I am also very lucky to be surrounded by people that really care about me. How amazing it is to have people like this in my life. I know that both of my sisters also have these kinds of “Sisters” in their lives. I think, -no- I know that we are all BLESSED to be able to share our lives with such people. It’s also refreshing and reassuring since all three of us live apart from each other, to know there is someone out there that is caring for your sister the way you would if you were there and could do it yourself. In every way these are OUR Sisters sharing our lives with us!!

So this is for all of OUR SISTERS out there… for all that you do and are to each of us!!

To a Special Sister
Author: unknown

A sister is one of the nicest things
that can happen to anyone.
She is someone to laugh with and share with,
to work with and join in the fun with.
She is someone who helps in the rough times,
and knows when you need a warm smile.
She is someone who will quietly listen,
when you just want to talk for a while.
A sister is dear to you always,
for she is someone who is always a part
of all the favorite memories
that you keep very close to your heart.

This is the three of us two years ago, one of my favorites.

Ok so now I am VERY officially behind in journaling our lives. So I am going to try and catch up some over the next week or so. I have started many posts and have just not been able to finish them up. I’m not going to do some of the ones back from March and not going to count them as I was...too overwhelming… I’m just going to post what I know that I’ve wanted to, and go through my pictures and do my best to journal what we have been up to. I have some older ones and some newer ones. I’m not going to apologize for being behind (again); I’m just going to take pleasure in getting caught up. :)

I am getting close to my 100th post, I have decided to post some of my thoughts and have been writing it over the past few weeks. (I don’t put any thought in to it all of this at all…lol… like WAY TOO MUCH…lol)

Hope someone enjoys them, and if not… I guess they aren’t reading anymore… I just want to have a record of our lives and a record for the boys… if anyone gets any pleasure out of it, then I have accomplished something that I have always wanted and strived for my entire life…

***to make someone a little happier, a smile on their face, or their life a little better or brighter***
I guess that is my personal mission statement…. Wow… that is an a-hah moment… that has been on my list of things to do for FOREVER!!... and there it is, just spilled out here in my ramblings. My mission statement!!
THANKS DEAR FRIENDS!!!

2 years and 7 months ago…
I had braces put on… a much needed happening!!

I was only suppose to have them on for about 12-18 months… Well of course anything that can go weird does for me…lol… I did have a few little “issues” but they are all done!! :) :) :)…
I went in and my orthodontist surprised me (of course there is a story behind it lol) and told the girls,
"get these braces off this girl”…YEAH!!... for two reasons I got them off and he called me a GIRL…hehehe…

He also said I won a spot in the special club of two sheets on my chart… only a few have made it into that “club”…

YEAH for ME!!! …LOL LOL LOL

I LOVE THEM and my SMILE!!!!
THANK YOU DR. BERG!!! YOUR AWESOME!!

Here are a couple of pictures that have been snapped of me since then… oh and meet Rascal.. our newest member of the family… I still need to post that too..LOL

p.s. I didn’t even post this one on time I got them off on
Tuesday 24 February 2009!!!

Ok here goes :)
Post two of eight..now 11

When was the last time that you left the grocery store with a smile :)…

Do you hate giving them all your money and only walking out with a few things. I sure do!!... Well one of my new passions/necessities is COUPONS. I use to do them and enjoyed it when I had time, but it’s been a good 3 years since I’ve REALLY focused on it or have done anything with it. Well right now I can’t afford not to. I have some staples but it’s the “extras” that we have gone without for a long while now. So now I’m able to provide some of that. One of these days soon (I hope) it will be even more fun. Right now I have to still do it on a VERY tight budget so I have to work a little harder. Once I’m able to budget more it will be not quite as difficult and I still won’t be spending much.

So I would like to share with you a few of my results…
A few weeks ago I bought $60 of groceries for $8.oo... for real I promise!!
And then a couple of weeks after that I got $160 of groceries for under $40... YUP that’s $120 SAVED!!

There is so much out there to help you get these results. But here is one of the best helps I’ve found. She has a great program that really works and she does the big part of the job for you. My friend Amanda and I are going to her FREE class on Tuesday next week. I can’t wait to learn even more that will save us even more!! If you don’t live in this area I’m sure that there is something that does the same for you in your area. Really once you get “surfing” you’ll find so much out there. I'm not able to add the news paper into our budget right now, so I have a couple of neighbors and friends that don’t use their coupons and I get theirs . Then there are the ton that you can get online. I have another friend that told me that a friend of hers does this for her “j o b”. What she saves is what she made at a part time job. By the time you add it all up it is her job and she’s home with the kids and able to make a difference with her family.

After all isn’t that what we all want, to make a difference in our families. It might not be staying at home, but saving money is always good and leaves something for other needs. I know that we can all use that in these times.

Have fun and let me know if I can help :)

Ok finally I have a copy of Twilight to read,

thanks to my best friend STEPH.

Now I can go with the girls on girl’s night out to see the movie!! Chad was supposed to work a double tomorrow (later today now), and Steve is off work. I thought it would be perfect to get it read then. I've been trying to listen to it but it's hard to always focus on it with a 4yr old talking above the audio reader. Chad just got home..oh well 2 hrs ago now.. and he does the double on Monday. So I’ll see how much I can squeeze into this weekend and get it finished as soon as I can. I have to be ready for our night. :). That will be my first night out with friends in a long while, except for this AWESOME class that Cyrene and I just took together for the past 3 Wednesday nights, but that was a little different than a movie night.

So the day after Halloween we hosted a Daddy Daughter Dinner for our Activities Day Girls. We were originally going to have a Halloween theme, but the girls all decided that they wanted to have it be an 80’s theme. They thought that their Dad’s would like that better and that their mom’s would enjoy helping them get dressed up. I think that they were right on both occasions. Everyone seemed to have a really good time and enjoyed themselves.

(When did the 80”s become the oldie’s? Wasn’t that our parents time, the oldie's? What happened??)

It was good to see the girls interact and COMPETE (wow there was some real competition there lol) with their Dad’s.
We had them write for each other: My Dad/Daughter is Dad/Daughter of the year because:… (they filled in the rest)
At the end we had them read them to each other, it was a great ending to a great night.

I have one more very special post. On Wednesday October 1, 2008 I was having a really hard day. I had two close friends that took time out of their very busy and crazy days to listen to a friend and help her out. I want to thank you for your time and listening ears. Thanks Cyrene, and Debi for our hallway talks, it’s really nice to know that your not alone and not going crazy… that there is someone (many of us I imagine) out there that feels the same and has the same/similar fears. That day just really stood out to me and I guess I really needed to have a friend’s shoulder that day, and they came to the rescue.

I must say that I have had many friends and family that have come to me and given me extra care and love, sometimes without even knowing that they were doing it, and I want to say THANK YOU... TO ALL OF YOU!!...

I hope that I can do the same for you as well. That is what friendship and family is all about, helping and being there for each other. Thanks for the phone call Kristi… You always know :).

Kristi and Tammy August 2007

All I can say is WOW!!.. and I'm sorry.... I can't believe that it has been 5 weeks since I've posted anything. As my best friend said... "what happened to every Sunday?" All I can say is...LIFE.... and when I really get stressed out and feel overwhelmed (very much so right now) I start to shut down. I was already struggling with this after Chad's hospital visit in April, well after August I just REALLY started shutting down. We have spent so much time going to Dr. visits, changing habits, just plain trying to help Chad feel better and get healthy. I have A LOT to post and catch everyone up on. I will do my best over the next few days (with fall break it should be easier). I just finished reading all of my friends posts that I have missed over the past 5 weeks. I haven't even done that. I started at 7 tonight and it's now 2 am. Wow... but I'm so glad that I'm caught up with everyone. To be honest I didn't comment on any one's posts, b/c I knew I had so much to catch up on and read. I will start out fresh this week. Thank you to everyone for all your posts and blogs. I have enjoyed the blogging world so much. It is one thing that I do that is a real joy to me.

I have a lot to tell you and thank my friends for, and get my page fall looking...:). I have to get past my very bad habit of shutting down. I really "check out" when it gets like this. I have felt guilty if I was doing anything other than taking care of my family, working or my other duties. Finally tonight I just said I have to do it and I have to take ACTION every day that is not just for others and everything else but for myself as well.

Thank you to my hubby for understanding and supporting me. That is all I have for tonight (this morning). Thank goodness that tomorrow is Fall Break and I can sleep in a little ...lol :)

p.s. I know that I need to respond to a few of you on questions, or help. I will get back to you this week, I'm very sorry to you as well...:( I'll get myself back on track I PROMISE!!

I got tagged from my good friend Amanda… Thanks, that is my first tag :); it was a lot of fun….
I’ve always enjoyed reading others tags so here is one from me….

ABC's...
A-Attached or Single? Attached, to my Hubby and my Family :)
B-Bestfriend? Chad
C-Cake or Pie? PIE!!
D-Day of Choice? Any day with my Family
E-Essential Item? Laptop
F-Favorite Color? Purple
G-Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms? Gummy Bears, Black Forest - the best
H-Hometown? Madera, CA
I-Indulgences? I don’t know that I have any right now, but it use to be bargain shopping and seeing how good of a deal I could get.
J-January or July? Both, but I guess July, celebrating our Freedoms
K-Kids? 0… but an Auntie to 9
L-Life is incomplete without? My family
M-Marriage Date? May 21, 1999
N-Number of Siblings? 2 younger sisters and 1 younger brother
O-Oranges or Apples? Both, but probably Oranges, I like the thoughts of Christmas and getting Oranges in my stocking
P-Phobias or Fears? My family falling apart or going astray, and heights…eeek
Q-Quotes? "Things will work out. Keep trying. Be believing. Don’t get discouraged. Things will work out.” ~Gordon B. Hinckley
R-Reason to Smile? Jimmy and Chris always make me smile
S-Season? Spring and Fall
T-Tag 5 People? Jenny, Jennifer, Debi, Dayna, Julie
U-Unknown Fact? I Love to cook, even though I haven’t had a lot of time to lately and I have a ton of cook books…I love them :)
V-Very Favorite Store? Don’t really have one anymore/right now, but I go to Wal-Mart more than any other store out there right now.
W-Worst habit? Procrastination
X-X-Ray or Ultrasound? Ultrasound
Y-Your Favorite Food? I like just about Everything!, but Mexican is probably the top
Z-Zodiac Sign? Taurus

Not sure how many of you know that I am the Activity Day leader in our Ward. I was trying to figure it out a couple of weeks ago how long I had been with the girls and honestly couldn’t remember, I know it’s because I have enjoyed it SO MUCH!. Last week I was making the door reminders and looked for one of my old ones to use as a template, well I found my first one I did for them, and guess what this week it’s been 2 years… wow how time flies, especially when your having fun. They have just restructured most of the positions in our Ward over the past month or so, and I was so happy that they didn’t release me. I really hope they don’t take me out I really enjoy working with the girls, and I think that we still have so much to share with each other. I also enjoy working with girls, after being the only girl in my home, it’s refreshing :). Here’s to more time together!!

On Friday we went to the Mall and learned to shop the fashions and stay in the Gospel Standards (modestly). They seemed to have a good time and then we did what all girls like to do after shopping together…
DESSERT!! (we had some Cold Stone)
It was a good time for all :)

I just thought I would put up a quick note tonight. I added a Sidebar tonight, Scripture of the Day. Chad a few years ago gave me a Scripture of the Day Calendar. I have found great peace on many occasions when I’ve read it. It is one of the best gifts I have ever received. Thank you Chad, for giving me a gift that never stops giving and in so many ways. I have tried to keep my blog “general” as to not offend anyone. I decided that I wasn’t being true to me or who I am and what I stand for. Since this blog is for my family and friends to keep up with our family and myself, then it should do just that. Here is a little piece of something that means the world to me… The Lord (or in this case His words).

I hope that someone else also gets enjoyment from the comfort of these words.