I really want to continue my Christ posts that I wasn't able to finish last year. So I'll start a little early and see where I go with it. As I stated in my last post, if you have faith in Christ there is no room for fear. I'd like to end my year without fear, and with an increased amount of faith. We have changed the focus in our home and are trying each day to improve where we are. We are doing nightly scripture studying with scripture journals, not just reading (and hoping that they are paying attention). It has been a great experience so far and hope that it will continue. I'll take some pictures and post them of what I have made for them. 

Here is the picture that I thought of tonight due to some of the events for me today. 

Christ Healing Words

I don't know the artist to credit this picture to, sorry. 

I prayed especially hard this morning for all of my boys, including two that are not with us right now. I feel for all of them. We have been working very hard for Jimmy and Chris, there are some problems that we have been trying to overcome for them and on their behalf. Today I got one of the best calls I've had in a long time, well for the boys anyways. There is a program that is going to be able to help us, help them. I know that this is directly an answer to my prayers for them, it was not because I needed it but they DID! So when I look at this picture and see a mother wanting what is best for her son, and her Savior kneeling at her side caring, comforting and healing her little boy. I know that our Savior, my older brother, did this for my little boys today! I was able to share some of the things they will be able to help us with and the joy and PEACE that over came their faces said it all, and the healing began for one of them at that moment.

 Faith, putting it in HIS hands!

For many years I have needed and wanted to have a family motto, but in my ever to search to make it just right (perfect) I have always came to a HUGE brick wall. Well this weekend it came to me, partly because I prayed for the inspiration to have something help us at home right now and partly out of pure desperation. This is what I came up with during a "family mtg" again on Saturday, we've averaged 2 each day for the past week...

I will RESPECT myself

I will RESPECT my family

I will RESPECT my home

I will RESPECT others around me

I am a visual person and have always loved putting my thoughts to photographs... here is what I came up with tonight while I couldn't sleep, because Chris still hasn't been to sleep yet tonight and just got through asking me if he could just get up and get dressed for school now.......... mind you that was at MIDNIGHT!!!!!! UUGGHH!!!..... 

See DESPERATION!!!!!

*note that I have included one of my best friends paintings in my collage and haven't had a chance (since it is midnight after all) to ask her permission to use her photo, so I might need to change the collage.

Well it's that time again that I have realized (again) that I am extremely behind in my posts... This however does not mean that I am going to put everything in one post. I am going to work on it as I can, especially like tonight when I can't sleep. I do want this as our family journal, so I'm going to pick out the high lights from our summer and probably our year. I was going to go in order, but I'm not promising anything... lol  :)

The first and biggest update that I need to post is
  OUR ADOPTION DAY!!

I can't believe that I haven't posted this yet, I know that it's been a busy time around here but I feel really badly that I haven't posted about our day yet. I did post a lot on Facebook about it, but really it's not quite the same.

I really want to get my blog caught up and kept up!! For me and my family...

It was such a beautiful and happy day for our family!!!

Thank you to all those that have been there, with and for us, during our journey!! 

We are VERY BLESSED with wonderful people in our lives!!

Well here it is 4:15 in the morning and I haven't been to sleep yet and no matter how hard I try I can't seem to. 

Chad is leaving tomorrow~well today now~ for work in TX. This was a very tough decision for us, but one that we feel strongly is the right one for us. It is going to in the long run bless our family, even though the next few months will probably be tough ones. We have never had Chad gone for work since we got the boys, not like before when it was just the two of us. I know that we can do it and I know the Lord will bless us. The boys are doing good because we have had time to prepare for him leaving but the past couple of days they have expressed how sad they are and that they are going to miss him so much. They understand that it is a decision we all made together as a family and they understand why we made it. They show such strength and character I'm so proud of them. I love all of my boys (Big and Small) and know together with the Lord, our family and friends we will make it successfully through this next stage of our lives. 

We got to spend the day with Grandma!! We meet in Wellington and eat, play at the park, and share Dad's first official Father's Day cake with him. As you can see we all had fun :) . So much that when it was time to leave all the boys said bye to mom and dad and piled in grandma's truck. They were VERY disappointed to find out they couldn't go and were "stuck" coming back home. Jimmy was sure to let us know that if grandma left a list he could take care of things while she was at work :)... Love these guys!!
Thanks Mom for a great day!!!

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A few weekends ago we had a really great day it was Chad's and my 12th anniversary, so we spent the day with the boys and then had a great date night with dinner and a movie. Here are some pictures of the boys during our day together. :) We went to Thanksgiving Point to the Lamb and wool days then the park.

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I am a Harry Potter fan!! and I am so excited because I am going with Ashely my Niece (here at BYU) to the opening night of Deathly Hollows Part 1 tonight (well in the morning) at 3:30!! It is my first time going to an opening and I am so excited!! I will share pictures latter because I plan on taking some for sure!! Yeah!!! 

Our Little Guy's Surgery 

I can't wait to be able to use their names. I have agreed that I wouldn't post their names so that I can post our adventures on our blog. For those that don't know we are in the process of adopting the boys and we are all very excited about it. Last week on Monday we took "J" in for surgery. He had tubes in a couple of years ago and needed to have them put back in and his adenoids taken out. He has failed all of his hearing tests and I know that has made things so difficult for him. Just as I know this will make things so much better for him, including his learning and moods. He really did very well with everything!! There were only two things that upset him, he didn't want to put the hospital gown on, the Dr. convinced him that it was cool and when we got into the Post Op he saw the other kids in them and then he was totally ok with it. The other thing he wanted nothing to do with us getting on the hospital bed, he didn't like the idea of going "back to bed". So he asked Dad to carry him back which he did all the way back to the doors going back to the operating rooms (as far as we could), then the Dr took over. As you can see in the pictures, yes I was on the phone but only because we were still waiting for the phone call to happen for the surgery approval. Mom was NOT going to wait any longer so I was franticly calling everyone in the offices to make sure things didn't go wrong. It worked, I was able to get the supervisors supervisor and get it all taken care of, just in time!! Everyone was grateful (the charge nurse was relieved as we were too) third scheduling was the charm. 

Isn't that smile just contagious, even at 6am!!

I have fallen in Love with our boys!! 

Even though there are some hard times with them, it is worth it :)

THEY ARE WORTH IT!!

A full day!! 

Eric's first day of school... 

and a fun family night at Hee Haw Farms all wrapped up into one day!! 

Let's rope that Bull...

 Animal train ride anyone...

I don't know, do they look happy??

mmm...

I'm thinking 

Y E S !!!

 Petting and feeding the animals...

And trying to not get eaten.





A hay ride for all... 

The Gang!!

 FAMILY!!

I am so grateful for my family and hope that I never take them for granted!! 

LOVE YOU GUYS!!

YOUR THE BEST!!!

ALWAYS AND FOREVER!!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!

We had a great day today!!

Thank you to ALL my boys including the ones not pictured!!

It was a great Mother's Day because of all of you!!!

Today I sent Chad a message and said... wow you've been real quiet today... is everything ok?

His response,"Good day kids have been good"... YEAH!!!!!!!! Very Grateful for good days!!

Very Grateful that Chad and I are a TEAM!!! I have watched this wonderful man of mine change and develop right in front of my eyes!! It has not been an easy 2 months, but he has been AMAZING!! I will tell you more about some of these things a little latter... I have to be up in a couple of hours and really need a little sleep. But I just wanted Chad and all of you know how grateful I am for him and ALL that he has done!!

THANKS BABE!! YOUR AMAZING!! AND I LOVE YOU!!....

SO MUCH!!!

THE GANG!!

Ok so EVERYONE has been after me for not getting pictures up of the boys...

Here is Chad and I and all the boys.

Jimmy, Chris, Jay Jay, Jo Jo, and Skeeter...

not our names for them but nick names they know and I'm trying to protect them,

so I'm going to use them for now, until I can figure out what I'm going to do about the name thing...

They had just got new church clothes (for the first time) and hair cuts the night before,

it was like Christmas Morning at out house!! :)

They were SO HAPPY!!

This was a great day!!

This is the boys and Steve on the way out to Utah and their first snow...

Four years ago to the day (well on the same weekend), Chad and I started an "adventure" if you must, but defiantly a change for us in our lives. We flew out to CA and rented a Black Tahoe (the vehicle that I have wanted since they came out with them). We visited with our family and then went and picked up Steve and the boys, Jimmy 3 years and 11 months and Chris 1 year and 2 weeks old. Chad and I knew that our lives where going to change and that there would be good and hard times ahead for us. Boy did we not know just how much. We also talked about the fact that it might be a 5 year commitment that we would be making, of course not sure what that might mean to us. There have been some really good times and some really tough times for all of us.

Steve took a chance to come out here and give his boys and himself a new start in life. That is what we offered him, a chance to get out of a really bad and hard situation. He left his life behind packed what he and the boys had and came home with us. We were able to fit everything they owned (minus a bike and 2 dressers) into and on top of the Tahoe. If you've ever seen the back of a Tahoe you know that isn't very much room. He had a really hard time adjusting to life here in Utah, no beach, SNOW. COLD, being away from friends, starting all over, getting a divorce, caring for his young boys, SNOW, COLD (he is a warm blooded kid 70* is cold for him), trying to "fit in", tying to live with his big Sis and her husband (they have a love - hate relationship) This is just a start of many I'm sure, but Steve is resilient and has come out of it well. He has a "carefree" attitude about life, which drives me CRAZY, but has served him well in his life and probably helped him a great deal over the past 4 years. Now he is engaged again and starting to embark on a new adventure in his life. He has moved out (November 14th…I haven't been able to write about it till now, just wasn't ready to yet) and in with his fiancé, (his sisters approve of her greatly!!) with the boys. They will be married sometime in the late Summer.

Chad was not use to having to share his life with anyone, let alone someone that wasn't his spouse. He had never spent much time around children, boy has he come a long way!! He had a hard time "dealing" with Steve and his differences. They have had some good times (I have proof in pictures), and some VERY TOUGH AND ROUGH TIMES. I think that Chad has had some of the hardest challenges to deal with over the past 4 years probably due to his lack of ability to deal with anger, depression, his health problems, and his dislike to change (to just name a few) . As he would say... he could no longer walk through the house naked… not that he ever does, just liked the ability to do so if he should choose to.

We have had some very difficult times over the past 4 years, for many reasons… but through it all and now at the end of that part of our journey, we have learned how to work things through together!! We have learned to depend on each other, to support each other, to communicate with each other (well we are still working on learning that one better). We have learned that we could make good parents, that we have the ability to help others, and love and care for someone else's children. There have been many other things that we have learned from and grown from. The past two years have been very difficult ones for us (even outside of our living situation). Many challenges that I hope we NEVER have to repeat. We aren't all the way through it, one more big one that hopefully will be over very soon. Even through it all I don't know if I would change much, well wish we wouldn't have had to go through it, but we are different people now on the other side of it all, a different couple, a different marriage, and a new life pathway that we are excited to embark on.

Jimmy and Chris have been through a great deal in their short lives. They are embracing this new chapter in their lives. It is a little confusing for Chris still, but they are young and resilient (don't we all wish we could be like children). They get to be with us after school everyday and Chris before school as well. I think that this is helping them as well as us. Chris is excited to have someone to call mom and not get in trouble for doing so. Jimmy is happy but still not talking a lot about it yet, except to say that he is glad that Heavenly Father answered his prayers and that they didn't move to Hawaii like dad wanted to this summer (I must say so is Aunt Tammy!!!!!!). They both love Cheyenne and being with her, I love that they have her she is going to be so good for them!! Time will heal all things, and together we will be strong and happy.

As for me, my life has ever been changed. I love my husband and I'm so glad that we have been able to work through all of this and be stronger now than ever before. I think that we are stubborn enough that without these challenges we would have never chosen to make the changes in our lives that we so need to. I love my family more than I can ever express. We have been through a lot together, and I am the eldest of us now. I made a promise to keep our family together and I intend on keeping that promise. With that said, I love Steve and we DEFIANTLY struggled, and still do. We had some really hard times, but tried to always remember that we are family and all we have. There were some good times as well, but this was a good move for us so that we can work on being brother and sister again instead of being at each other all the time. I was afraid that we would loose sight of what really mattered, because we were to busy being upset and frustrated with each other. Now we can mend things and enjoy being family again and I love that I'm going to have a sister here close to me!! I look forward to our future together!! And then the boys…. What can I say except they have changed my life!!! They filed my heart and filled a very empty whole in my life. I thought that I was going to be ok excepting that I was not going to be a mother, I learned that no in fact I would like to be a mother… I have so much that I would like to give back. I will be forever grateful to the boys for giving me that joy in my life and for sparking my motherhood instincts.

I hope that they will always know how I feel about them and just how special they are to me and Uncle Chad. They will always have a very special place in my life and heart. I have given them a part of my heart that they will have forever!! And now I can spoil them as any special Auntie would love to do!! I hope that they will always want to be apart of our lives as much as we want them to be apart of ours and we apart of theirs.

This is the boys and Steve now...

I wrote the following on June 7, 2009 and for some reason it didn't post...

I think that it is still very fitting!!!

(even though this is when I thought he was leaving for Hawaii)...

and now I have posted my feelings about everyone in my family.

I LOVE YOU ALL VERY MUCH!!!

***********************************

Ok so in all fairness, and because it’s going to BUG me and drive me insane until I do it, I have to say something about my Brother next… What can I say…
We have had some really great times, and we’ve had some out of this world hard times. A lot of time we have had a love-hate relationship, especially the past 3 years and 9 months…(not that were counting) I don’t bring him up a lot because of this fact. Even though there are days that I could LITERALLY pull out EVERY SINGLE HAIR ON MY HEAD, I still LOVE him and he is still my Brother and Family. He did do the right thing when he got his boys out of a bad situation to give them something more, and the boys have truly been a Blessing in our lives.

Families aren’t perfect and there are some out there that have judged our situation, even harshly, but like they say you don’t know someone “till you walk a mile in his moccasins”. So until you know and have LIVED within our dynamics you shouldn’t be judging any of us. It has been a difficult time having two families living together in one home but more and more it is being done, a lot of times out of necessity and most of the time it is a parent-child arrangement, but as we all know that is not possible in my family and I have that responsibility and roll now. We have done our best to make a tough situation be the best that we can.

Life Gave Me A Little Brother
Author: Unknown

Life gave me a little brother
to teach me about life.
He loves me,
Aggravates me,
and gives me strength and strife.
Thank goodness for my brother
He is as special as can be
Don't mess with my little brother
- or you'll have to mess with me!

Ok, so finding a picture of just Steve or of him and myself was harder that I thought but after what I just wrote I thought that one of all of us would be fitting. This was taken two years ago and is pretty accurate for us... :)

It makes me laugh when I look at :)

I love you Steve, I hope that the next venture in your life will be a good one for you and for the boys!! They deserve the VERY BEST that you, or any of us, can possibly give them!! Please NEVER forget that!!

This was my Easter/Birthday present this year and

I LOVE THEM!!

The three of them were real troopers for me and I really appreciated it!!

I LOVE MY FAMILY!!

Today was Chad’s BIG Birthday. He has been dreading it for a year now, he even had a dream about it and it wasn’t a good one. He sincerely asked me to keep his birthday low key and to not make a bid deal out of it. So I really tried to honor his wishes. Two weeks ago we went out to dinner, dessert, and movie that he wanted to see, that is what he wanted to do and we really had a great time.

His Mom has been planning on coming out since I think Easter we first talked about it. So we were able to keep it a secret and she got here today and surprised him!! It really meant a lot to him!! She took him to get the gift that he really wanted, it was great to see him smile and be so happy!! He has dreaded this day for so long, it was nice to see that he was able to relax and enjoy himself.

His Aunt Jo also surprised him and showed up to go to dinner with us. Mom surprised him with going to his favorite place to eat (and where we don’t get to very often) Tacono’s Brazilian Grill, then to the Hotel for a dip in the pool. She brought out our Nephew Tyler, and we had the boys (they love Grandma and was excited to see her and share in Uncle Chad’s Birthday),

the three of them were really good!!

I was amazed at how much Chris ate…WOW!! He tried EVERYTHING that Uncle Chad did!! What a trouper,
HE LOVED IT TOO!!

It was a fun packed day for the boys; Grandma took them to lunch and the park before we went to pick up Uncle Chad from work. And now they are all having a “sleep over” in the House tent in the Living Room…. Wow that’s a lot in one day for little boys :)
They are SO HAPPY!! And have had a BLAST ALL day!!

I love you Chad, I’m glad that you had a great day!! You survived and it wasn’t so bad :) It has been my pleasure to share 12 Birthdays with you; I hope that we have MANY, MANY MORE!!
Some of the things that I LoVe you for, see in you, and admire in you are;
You have an amazing heart and capacity to love.
You have the ability to make people smile and laugh,
especially me.
You can make a serious and tense situation lighter with a joke or a funny poke at something no one would have seen.
You try new things and have an adventurous soul and spirit.
You are able to take risks, even when it scares me to death.
You are always supportive of me.
There are so many more, Thank you Chad for being in my life and heart. Thank you for staying with it and us. Thank you for loving me. I hope that the next ½ of our lives are filled with Joy, Happiness, Fun, Everything you hope and wish for, and above all LOVE!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE!!

He danced!! I haven't laughed that hard in a long time!! He was GREAT!!

That's our Chad!!

So as I was sitting here thinking about what I wanted to post next… I have so many that I would like to do and want to do. So in all my reflecting I decided that since I have done a tribute to Mom and my Sisters that it would be fitting to finish one that I started in April for my Dad.

This was taken just weeks before Dad passed

On the morning of April 9, 1975 our Father kissed us good bye, promised me a ride the next time he went out, and left for the airstrip. He never returned. You see he promised me the ride because I was suppose to go with him that morning he was flying a group to a meeting and at the last minute they had an addition the their group and there was no room for me any longer. I was really upset that he wasn’t going to take me, I was use to going everywhere with Dad. I was upset for a minute until I realized that I was going to get a trip just the two of us. This was the third miracle in my life, the first was the day that Mom and Dad took me home from the hospital and the second the day they took me to the Temple to be sealed to them and a member of this most complex and WONDERFUL family. That was the last time that we were with Dad, the plane crashed and all of our lives changed forever. It was a really hard time for ours and the other families along with loosing our loved ones it took them 2 ½ months to find the wreck site, only then did the closure have a chance to start, and many years latter (for some) for the healing to begin. My sisters have a hard time because they can’t remember; I have a hard time because I do.

Our Dad was an amazing man and for the short 4 years and 11 months that he was a Father he was amazing in that roll too. He left a lifetime impression on all of us and then went on to finish his life’s mission on the other side. We were all blessed to have him and his example in our lives no matter the length of time.

My wish and hope is that I can and will be the daughter, sister, wife, and woman he would have wanted me to be.

This was taken of us three girls just after Dad passed

This is one of mine and my sister Kristel’s favorite pictures it reminds us of the three of us when our father past. How old (well close) and innocent we were at that time.

One of the posts that I have wanted to do for quite some time now is this one….

I love my siblings very much, and there is something that can be said about the bond that SISTERS share. I wanted to dedicate this post to my Sisters… I hope that they don’t mind sharing it with my “other sisters” as well.
I am a very lucky person to first have two sisters that mean the world to me. We have been through a lot together, both good and not so good. I LOVE them both so much!! They are two of my best friends. I want nothing but the best for both of them!! And true happiness!!

I am also very lucky to be surrounded by people that really care about me. How amazing it is to have people like this in my life. I know that both of my sisters also have these kinds of “Sisters” in their lives. I think, -no- I know that we are all BLESSED to be able to share our lives with such people. It’s also refreshing and reassuring since all three of us live apart from each other, to know there is someone out there that is caring for your sister the way you would if you were there and could do it yourself. In every way these are OUR Sisters sharing our lives with us!!

So this is for all of OUR SISTERS out there… for all that you do and are to each of us!!

To a Special Sister
Author: unknown

A sister is one of the nicest things
that can happen to anyone.
She is someone to laugh with and share with,
to work with and join in the fun with.
She is someone who helps in the rough times,
and knows when you need a warm smile.
She is someone who will quietly listen,
when you just want to talk for a while.
A sister is dear to you always,
for she is someone who is always a part
of all the favorite memories
that you keep very close to your heart.

This is the three of us two years ago, one of my favorites.

*I haven’t written for a while, there is much going on in our lives and I will catch things up when time permits. However I have really felt for some time that I needed to post a tribute to my Mom. I still haven’t really allowed myself to mourn and heal from her loss. Maybe for me this will help a little to write a few things on her behalf.

*May 13th has many meanings for our family. One is my Birthday and one is the day our Mother passed away and finally was reunited with our Father who passed 28 years earlier.
Six years ago my Mom, Sister, and her boyfriend were on their way here to surprise me for my Birthday. Mom always preferred to travel at night. They left California after work and drove straight through the night. Mom had just got done resting as they pulled off the road and switched drivers. 10 miles latter just outside of Nephi, they were involved in a one car accident. The car rolled several times and Mom was thrown from the car.

I woke up at 5 am that morning, and was very unsettled with no idea why. At 5:30 I received a call from my sister and the first thing out of my lips was what’s wrong and what’s happened.

Our lives were changed forever.

Mom always wanted to return to Utah, she was born in Provo. Here are a few of the things that I, and I believe all of us, feel were blessings about her passing when and were she did,

since it was her time to return "home".
~Mom was here so I was able to take care of her needs. She wasn’t at “home” where we know what she wanted would not have been taken into consideration.
~Her and Dad were FINALLY together (celebrating my Birthday in each other’s arms), which is all she had wanted for 28 years other than raising her children.
~We were all finally in good places in our lives so she knew she could leave and we would be ok. Her “JOB” here on this earth had been completed. She had recently made peace with many things in her life and with her children. She had just shared some precious words with me in March, 2 months earlier. She finally felt that she had all her children back within her arms and her family was reunited.
~I was able to take her home to California and lay her to rest next to her ETERNAL SOUL MATE, and did so without her having to fly. Dad died in a plane crash and Mom was TERRIFIED to fly and would have been very upset with me had I not been able to do that.
~She was with family from the moment she passed until the moment we closed the casket.
~Our sister and her boyfriend were not injured beyond emotional scars and a few scratches. A TRUE MIRACLE!!!!..
~Mom was driving; our dear sister doesn’t have to live with a guilt such as that would have been.

~Mom passed immediately and didn’t suffer.
~Mom was able to return to her Heavenly Father and finally have the peace that she had desired, searched for, and needed for so long. Now she can complete the next phase of her life and move forward with her eternal progression.

I know that she is watching over us and giving me added strength to continue her role as the matriarch of our family.

I LOVE YOU MOM !!
THANK YOU FOR ALL THAT YOU GAVE EACH OF US!! YOURSELF!!

Here is a copy of a “tribute” I framed for each of us kids (and on her program)… From Mom and me…

The Author is Unknown..

Good-Night Dear Mother

Hello Dear Mother!
I came to say Good Night,,
I know it’s not good –Bye,
Because of God’s Promise
I’ll see you in His devine light,
And to You Dear Mother,
I can truly say, I was Blessed the day
God placed me in the folds of your loving
way.
It breaks my heart to think of the time
We’ll be apart.
You’ll always be in my thoughts each and
Every day.
And so Dear Mother,
I just want to hold your presence tight,
As God in all His wisdom takes you on
Your heavenly flight.
God gave me these words so I could
See the light;
And so Dear Mother
No, it’s not Good-Bye!

It’s only Good-Night