One of my favorite Christmas songs is "Mary Did You Know". 

I have been thinking about the song a lot and really listening to the words, and how they relate to me and my life. I have the words to the song here:

Mary, did you know

that your baby boy will one day walk on water?

Mary, did you know

that your baby boy will save our sons and daughters?

Did you know, 

that your baby boy has come to make you new? 

This child that you've delivered, 

will soon deliver you. 

Mary, did you know 

that your baby boy will give sight to a blind man? 

Mary, did you know 

your baby boy will calm a storm with his hand? 

Did you know, 

that your baby boy has walked where angels trod? 

When you kiss your little baby, 

you've kissed the face of God. 

The blind will see 

The deaf will hear 

The dead will live again. 

The lame will leap 

The dumb will speak 

The praises of The Lamb. 

Mary, did you know 

that your baby boy is Lord of all creation? 

Mary, did you know 

that your baby boy will one day rule the nations? 

Did you know, 

that your baby boy is heaven's perfect lamb? 

This sleeping child you're holding, is the great I AM.

"Christ My Son My Savior by: Simon Dewey

I know that she knew, but can you imagine, DID she REALLY know!?! Can you imagine the worry and the awesome responsibility that she felt, knowing and preparing for 9 months for the time she would deliver the SAVIOR to the WORLD, that she would raise him and instill in him all that he would need for his mortal life, that she would have to watch her Son and Savior Die on the cross, and that she would then know that he lived again!!


Did the mothers of the Stripling Warriors know that as they were teaching their son's that they would one day free them from danger and slavery? That they would honor their parents and heritage in a way that God had no other choice but to protect every last one of the 2000. Did Albert Einstein's mother know that her son would be considered the most influential physicist of the 20th century? Did George Washington's mother know that her son would be the first president of the new country, The United States of America? Did Abraham Lincoln's mother know that her son would be instrumental in changing the history of our nation and begin the process of the new birth of freedom? Did Emma Hale Smith's mother know that her daughter would marry the Latter Day Prophet of God's gospel being restored to the earth by him. That she would do so at great sacrifice to herself and her family. Did Joseph Smith's mother know that her son would be God's voice and would restore Christ's gospel back to the world for all. Did she know that she would see her Son tortured, tared and feathered, suffer, and die because he never faltered in his testament of Christ and never denied who he was and what he was ordained to do. That he had the character and faith to stand as a witness to the the truth, and brought back to the light that which had been lost and forgotten.


Do we know what our Son's and Daughters are destined to do or be? I know that I do not, I have not been let in on the secret destination of their lives. I hope all things for them and know that through our Lord and Savior all things are possible. I hope the best for them and hope that God will lead me and direct me to help mold them for what their unlimited futures hold for each of them. Am I living up to the responsibilities that God has given me? Will my son's be counted among the Stripling Warriors of our time? I'm afraid that they may have such a battle fought in their lives, and I hope that I can plant that foundation that they need to withstand all that they must and stand as witnesses before man, and have the faith to testify of God and his truth. This is my hope and that I will live up to those responsibilities as have many of the mothers God has trusted with his children before me.

Women's Conference September 2011

Like just about everyone else that I know that saw 

President Uchtdorf's never forgettable talk: Forget Me Not 

I was truly touched and even though I'm posting this a week later I started it the night we all heard him address us. I put together this collage that night because I couldn't get his words out of my mind and I just wanted to capture the the way I was feeling and one of the best ways that I could do that for me was through pictures. I have had it on my wall paper all week and printed and posted on my front door so that I could think and ponder his words during the entire week.

I haven't gone to the church to listen to Women's Conference in some time, I have either watched it online or read it latter when it was posted. I was inspired that I needed to attend this time. I had been struggling some with all that we have going on in our lives right now and just that morning was feeling a failure as a Mother. Now I know that all parents have such feeling; that is just where I was last week. I enjoyed all of the talks, however when President Uchtdorf began to address us I knew that his words was the reason that I had been inspired to be there that night. The 5 pedals represent the 5 points of his sermon. I will not ever again be able to look at a Forget Me Not again and not think of and ponder on his talk, it was beautiful and touched my life for good.

I was also inspired to ask my niece Ashley to attend with me and I am so glad that I was able to listen to the Spirit in-spite of my failing feelings at the time. We went out for Ice Cream afterwards and we were able to just sit and talk like we haven't been able to before... no kids or teasing husband around to interrupt us! It was a great girls night out and something I really needed and enjoyed the opportunity to bond more with Ashley.

The night was a spiritual and personal high for me and helped me to

regain some ground and start anew. Something that I was truly in need of!! 

I am SO GRATEFUL that the LORD still reveals to us his love for us through his Disciples. 

I am SO GRATEFUL that I listened to the spirit and didn't ignore the promptings that I received. 

I am SO GRATEFUL that we have a LOVING Heavenly Father that knows his children and what they need, and that he never leaves our sides, and caries us when he knows we don't have the strength any longer on our own. 

I am SO GRATEFUL for the knowledge that I am HIS Child and I will be once again in his arms one day!! as well as my earthly Parents!! Oh how I miss them and having that cheering section in my corner, but also GRATEFUL for the knowledge that I will once again be with them as well and my boys will have the opportunity to know and love them.

Well here it is 4:15 in the morning and I haven't been to sleep yet and no matter how hard I try I can't seem to. 

Chad is leaving tomorrow~well today now~ for work in TX. This was a very tough decision for us, but one that we feel strongly is the right one for us. It is going to in the long run bless our family, even though the next few months will probably be tough ones. We have never had Chad gone for work since we got the boys, not like before when it was just the two of us. I know that we can do it and I know the Lord will bless us. The boys are doing good because we have had time to prepare for him leaving but the past couple of days they have expressed how sad they are and that they are going to miss him so much. They understand that it is a decision we all made together as a family and they understand why we made it. They show such strength and character I'm so proud of them. I love all of my boys (Big and Small) and know together with the Lord, our family and friends we will make it successfully through this next stage of our lives. 

Be prepared this is not one of my “usual” or “typical” posts. It is a soul baring post, which is probably more for me than anything or anyone else.

21 years ago today October 6, 1988 I gave birth to a precious little gift from our Heavenly Father. He was 9lbs 11oz and 21” long. I had him 14 hours after my water broke, and was mostly able laugh (with happiness and nervousness) all the way through the labor including “transition” (which was predicted by my whole Lamaze class) and I rarely share this story with anyone. He had all 10 fingers and toes, why is it that we feel so strongly about checking that detail? I remember so much about that day, and I’m more and more grateful for that due to I seem to be forgetting so many details (the past couple of years) of my life that have ALWAYS been SO CLEAR TO ME.

I really feel that I need to tell my story, if for no other reason so that I have a written record for myself and for anyone that might care about it latter in life. Here are some of the details that I remember from that day some of which are more vivid than others:

1. I was living with my Grandparents for the last 4 months of my pregnancy (story there). I woke them up and told them it was time to take me to the hospital. They asked if I was sure and how I knew… really??.. I muttered my water has broken. Well they got up and started getting ready while I called my Aunt Nadine (she was my coach) to let her know to meet me at the hospital. We lived about 4 miles from the hospital and she was a good 30 min away. I had asked Grandpa to give me a blessing before I left for the hospital, I knew my life was about to be changed forever and I needed the Lord at my side. Apparently he was unable to do this without being freshly shaved, so I waited (patiently for being in active labor may I add). So I got my blessing and Grandma and I got into the car, as we were backing out of the driveway we stopped at the end of the driveway while she put her lipstick on (she was very nervous for me). Don’t worry these are very precious memories for me that have always endeared me to my VERY LOVING Grandparents. I must add that my Aunt got to the hospital 25 min before we did… lol :)

2. There was an overflow of expecting mothers that early morning, and I was placed in an “overflow room” with 4 other women in labor. It was a custodian closet…I’m not kidding!! The woman behind the curtain to the right of me had a visit from her Dr. the very same Dr. that “dropped” me as a patient 6 weeks before my due date because he FINALLY “heard” me during a check up that I was going to be doing an adoption. That very moment he refused to be my Dr. It was a very upsetting and dangerous situation for me. Have you EVER TRIED to find a Dr take on a patient 6 weeks before a due date??? It took a lot of string pulling and PRAYERS!! Well this obviously upset me to see and hear him. My Wonderful Aunt, I knew I had picked the very RIGHT person for the job, went and MADE them move me to a private room RIGHT away. This was also good because my little one had fallen asleep and had decided that he wanted a little more time with me.

3. My mom was called and she rushed down (from our home 6 hours away- back then due to speed limits-but she made it in I think 4 1/2 hrs) to be with me, or to make sure that I made a decision that she would be happy with, which was NEVER a contributor to my decision to do what was the best thing for my little one and his life. Mom had never had labor with my siblings; her longest was my brother –go figure right lol- which was 20 MINUTES!! WHATEVER!! So she “freaked” out to see me in full labor. Things got a little stressed and with my asthma that was not a good thing. My aunt came in and did what NO OTHER person would ever dare or be able to do!! She told Mom to calm down or get out!!, told you the right person for the job. Mom calmed down and I went back to laughing and playing Uno… all was good again.

4. My little one was brought into the world. He was taken to the nursery and I was removed to a different ward, without my knowledge or permission. I’m sure that Mom thought she was helping but I NEVER told her what that night and next morning were like for me or even what happened; in fact we never talked about that day EVER. Due to the ward/floor change I was no longer protected from “others” knowing that I was there. The father to my little one, that wanted different things than I, was able to find me. They patched the call to me (not knowing that I forbid any calls and I was suppose to be “hidden” on the directory) I was devastated and tortured for the next 3 hours on the phone. There were some medical complications due to this and the knowledge that the Lord blessed me with some month’s earlier, that this was going to be the only child I was going to bear, later came to be, due in part to this event.

They were also instructed to restrict any contact with my little one, again without my knowledge or permission. FINALLY I was able to force my rights to see my little one and to hold him and let him know how much I LOVED HIM and ALWAYS would. I reassured him that his Parents would love and care for him and give him a wonderful life. His big sister that also was brought to their parents through another mother was very excited to have a little brother and was going to help him and watch over him as I had for my siblings. I only had an hour with him because he was going to be taken home (well that was the plan- story here too..) to his parents. It was an hour that has never left my mind nor my HEART. I know for some that would have been impossible to do, but I needed him to know, I needed to know that I was able to tell him that I would ALWAYS love him and he would always be in my heart. I sent with him a very special blanket that was made especially for him to always keep him warm and be as my arms wrapping around him and a Teddy Bear to watch over him from his “first” mommy.

To set the record straight on one thing, even though this was a troubling time for my mother as well as me I know that she was trying to do what she thought was best for her daughter. I know this even though it did take some time for me to feel this. I had a hard time with her decisions for quite some time and wished that she had trusted me enough to honor my wishes and let me make the decisions that I knew to be best for me. I have never been a week person and have had to deal with tough choices many times in my life (even at that young point in my life). I am grateful that the Lord helped me and saw fit that I was able to get what I needed and that my Mom never had to deal with the knowledge of what I needed to do. I love my Mother and the sacrifices that she had to make on behave of the love she had for her children. It wasn't an easy life nor the one she wished for, but I know that she did the best she could and always loved us. She gave me a LOVING family and life that I will NEVER regret and will always be BLESSED by.

The following are some poems that really hit home and the brilliant song written about adoption by Micheal McLean that Marie sings here, I have listened to since the day I first heard it (rarely without crying). This is the only audio I could find that I was able share, but she really expresses the DEEP feelings and message that are felt in this song. It is from the Donny and Marie Mother’s Day Show on Fox in 2000. I remember watching this live and was touched then by it.

Legacy of an Adopted Child
Author: ????

Once there were two women who never knew each other,
One - you do not remember, the other you call mother.
Two different lives shaped to make yours,
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.
The first gave you life, and the second taught you to live in it.
The first gave you a need for love and the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality; the other gave you a name.
One gave you the seed of talent; the other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions; the other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile; the other dried your tears.
One gave you up - that's all she could do.
The other prayed for a child and God led her straight to you.
Now you ask through all your tears the age-old question through the years;
Heredity or environment - which are you a product of?
Neither, my darling - neither - just two different kinds of love.

Sharing
By Elaine Rideau Tomlin

In the stillness of the morning -
In the hush before the dawn -
A cry screams through the silence -
And a new life has been born.

And she wonders what will happen -
To her newborn baby girl* - (*boy for me)
How she wishes she could keep *him -
And protect *him from the world.

But she knows that there are "others" -
Who would gladly give the world -
To have the chance to hold and love -
Her precious little *boy.

And she prays to God for guidance -
As she holds that tiny hand -
With the desperate hope that someday -
Her child will understand.

So she bravely signs the papers -
And the tears fall from her eyes -
As she signs away her baby -
The light inside her dies.

One last kiss she gives her darling -
For the "others" have now come -
To claim the life she gave them -
Now a family has begun.

And with heavy heart she watches -
As they hold "their" little *boy -
How she wishes she could somehow share -
A small part of their world.

But she knows this will not happen -
That for her it cannot be -
And always she will wonder -
About the child she'll never see.

NOW the times, they are a'changing -
And a new dawn has begun -
Soon ALL will be together -
With new hope for everyone.

© Copyright Elaine Rideau Tomlin...Adoptee...1986

How many times have I heard
the word "choose" in this sense?
That I CHOSE not to Parent
a child of my womb.
That I CHOSE not to Love
a piece of my Soul.
That I CHOSE not to hear
his very first laugh.

That I CHOSE not to hold him
deep into the night.
That I CHOSE not to help him
walk his very first step.
What I REALLY did "CHOOSE" was
A family to Love him
as much as they could.
A house to be his home
with his very own bed.
A better Life than I could provide
In my circumstance.
And although I know that I can never have back
those thing that I've never lost.
I know that he has them.
And that must be enough.
To the parents who I "chose". Thank you.

© Cherie Leonard

The words to this very special song;

"From God's Arms, To My Arms, To Yours"

So many wrong decisions in my past, I'm not quite sure
If I can ever hope to trust my judgement anymore.
But lately I've been thinking,
Cause it's all I've had to do.
And in my heart I feel that I
Should give this child to you.
And maybe, you could tell your baby,
When you love him so, that he's been loved before, By someone, who delivered your son,
From God's arms, to my arms, to yours.

If you choose to tell him,
If he wants to know,
How the one who gave him life
Could bear to let him go.
Just tell him there were sleepless nights,
I prayed and paced the floors,
And knew the only peace I'd find,
Was if this child was yours.

And maybe, you could tell your baby,
When you love him so, that he's been loved before,
By someone, who delivered your son,
From God's arms, to my arms, to yours.

This may not be the answer,
For another girl like me.
But I'm not on a soapbox,
Saying how we all should be.
I'm just trusting in my feelings,
And I'm trusting God above,
And I'm trusting you can give this baby
Both his mothers' love.
And maybe, you could tell your baby,
When you love him so, that he's been loved before,
By someone, who delivered your son,
From God's arms, to my arms, to yours.
(This poem was based on the writings of a young birth mother, whom she shared with songwriter Michael McClean. It has been set to music and comes with a 100% guarantee that no one who has been involved with adoption in any way will make it all the way through with dry eyes! )

© Michael McLean

Some of my hopes and prayers;

I hope that he has been happy, that he has lived life, that he graduated from High School, that he is strong in his religious beliefs, that he has gone on a mission if he chose to and that he is getting ready to come home, that some day he will want to find me, not to replace his Mother- but to meet his first mom. I have always said that I would start really wanting this from the time he was 21 (hoping to not distract him from a mission), and oh my here it is…

These are just a VERY few of my hopes and prayers but some of the BIG ones…

I can barely believe it. Part of me is crying again and part of me is excited for this new chapter in his life and part is HOPEFUL that he understands and will want to meet me one day,

as I wish to meet my birthmother.