My thoughts tonight...

     I had to turn off Facebook (FB) and the Live Streaming about the Presidential Election between Mitt Romney and Barack Obama tonight because I got so frustrated on so may different levels. I did make a few comments on a few posts, but refrained from posting my own. I thought a lot about it, and really felt that I have something to say but didn't feel that FB was the place to do it and felt just as strongly that this would be the place for me to do so. Let me say why. 

     This was supposed to be MY place to record my comings and goings with my family and for my family, our family history, and a place that my children will be able to know their Mother in a way that they are unable to right now. I use to censor myself afraid that I would offend someone that was reading then posted that I wouldn't do so any longer. How can I be true to myself and my posterity and censor myself, well I can't. Also being someone that has lost both of her parents and wished that there were things I could ask them or know about them, that wasn't known before they were gone, I want my children to be able to have the ability to really know me and who I am and what I stand for. It is my responsibility and privilege to be true to myself, to my God and Savior, and to my family. I hope to always do so. Enough of that rambling!! The other reason that feel so strongly to express myself is that my boys have been very interested in this election and what it meant to them, so I want them to understand (at a latter date if not able to now) how and why I feel the way I do tonight. 

     I am disappointed in the results, that the struggles our country has gone through the past 4 years will continue for another 4 years and as many, fear may even be worse. Our family has defiantly been affected this past 4 years. I can't speak for others and wouldn't dream to be presumptuous to do so. I know that there are MANY that have suffered and know our pain and MUCH MORE. I want to only talk about some of my own family's experiences that we have gone through. We were affected by the change in Presidential Election 4 years ago when Oil Fields were closed down and many companies had to close their doors. Chad was working in the Fields at that time and found himself out of work and quickly out of options. Our lives were turned UP SIDE DOWN!! Without going into details, we were affected just like SO many in our country. We can possibly be affected GREATLY again by the outcome of tonight. I can say that it would be so easy to be angry, annoyed, enraged, exasperated, infuriated, irritated, and FEARFUL!! (OK we got the point already Tammy lol). But I am CHOOSING to NOT go down that path. I have been preparing for this outcome, and know God has a plan for us. He prepared this country for us, it is the promised land, but we also know that as the last days are approaching there is going to be much wicked and righteous upon this land. There is both on each side of the political world we all know it, as well as all around us. What I have to and choose to do is always remember: 

If you have FAITH in CHRIST there is NO room for FEAR. 

     

     So instead of being fearful for what may be, I choose to have faith in what might be! Not that I have faith in Obama or what he might do, or in his case be too lazy to do. I have faith in what God's plan is and what he has in store for me and my family and our country. I know that I have a lot of work and preparations to do. God has warned us and has had his Authorities warn and try to prepare us for what is to come. I take this as a in my face; am I ready, am I prepared? I will use this energy to draw nearer to my Savior and my God, to prepare myself and my family for the future and to draw nearer to each other. This is how I choose to go forward from tonight. 

 NO FEAR and PREPARE! 

GOD IS ULTIMATELY THE ONE IN CHARGE!!

Of all of it our Country's destiny as well as Mine.

 We all have our FREEDOM of Choice, this is my Choice!!

I'm back I hope...

I have missed blogging SO MUCH!! I was in the middle of a project that meant a GREAT deal to me, and then my computer crashed!! I had to go without a computer for a bit, that went into January. I'm not sure if I just got discouraged because I wasn't able to complete my project like I wanted and was inspired to do, or that life got REALLY crazy and busy!! On Dec 10, 2011 we had a foster placement and then another in January. Life got away from me as I was learning and growing in my new/added roll, as well as trying to work and all the other things we all do everyday. 

I have tried several times to come back to my blog and just haven't been able to for some reason, which is a shame because what it has meant to  me and where I was with it and where I had developed to. I haven't even been able to keep up with my friends blogs!?! I have given it a lot of thought and know that I need to return and continue on my journey. This was not for others as much as for me, my family, and for my boys as a journal of our lives together, for me to leave them something of myself including my testimony. I want them to know who their mother was personally someday, not just a mom and the day in and out of life. 

I am going to start where I left off with my dedication to my Savior, maybe done a little differently, our lives right now and then maybe a few random posts to cover our last year. It is important for me to journal it some for the boys. So if there is anyone left out there that remembers my blog...lol... and would like to catch up with our lives, here goes!! Thanks for coming back and hope it wont be so long for me to come back again!! :)

One of my favorite Christmas songs is "Mary Did You Know". 

I have been thinking about the song a lot and really listening to the words, and how they relate to me and my life. I have the words to the song here:

Mary, did you know

that your baby boy will one day walk on water?

Mary, did you know

that your baby boy will save our sons and daughters?

Did you know, 

that your baby boy has come to make you new? 

This child that you've delivered, 

will soon deliver you. 

Mary, did you know 

that your baby boy will give sight to a blind man? 

Mary, did you know 

your baby boy will calm a storm with his hand? 

Did you know, 

that your baby boy has walked where angels trod? 

When you kiss your little baby, 

you've kissed the face of God. 

The blind will see 

The deaf will hear 

The dead will live again. 

The lame will leap 

The dumb will speak 

The praises of The Lamb. 

Mary, did you know 

that your baby boy is Lord of all creation? 

Mary, did you know 

that your baby boy will one day rule the nations? 

Did you know, 

that your baby boy is heaven's perfect lamb? 

This sleeping child you're holding, is the great I AM.

"Christ My Son My Savior by: Simon Dewey

I know that she knew, but can you imagine, DID she REALLY know!?! Can you imagine the worry and the awesome responsibility that she felt, knowing and preparing for 9 months for the time she would deliver the SAVIOR to the WORLD, that she would raise him and instill in him all that he would need for his mortal life, that she would have to watch her Son and Savior Die on the cross, and that she would then know that he lived again!!


Did the mothers of the Stripling Warriors know that as they were teaching their son's that they would one day free them from danger and slavery? That they would honor their parents and heritage in a way that God had no other choice but to protect every last one of the 2000. Did Albert Einstein's mother know that her son would be considered the most influential physicist of the 20th century? Did George Washington's mother know that her son would be the first president of the new country, The United States of America? Did Abraham Lincoln's mother know that her son would be instrumental in changing the history of our nation and begin the process of the new birth of freedom? Did Emma Hale Smith's mother know that her daughter would marry the Latter Day Prophet of God's gospel being restored to the earth by him. That she would do so at great sacrifice to herself and her family. Did Joseph Smith's mother know that her son would be God's voice and would restore Christ's gospel back to the world for all. Did she know that she would see her Son tortured, tared and feathered, suffer, and die because he never faltered in his testament of Christ and never denied who he was and what he was ordained to do. That he had the character and faith to stand as a witness to the the truth, and brought back to the light that which had been lost and forgotten.


Do we know what our Son's and Daughters are destined to do or be? I know that I do not, I have not been let in on the secret destination of their lives. I hope all things for them and know that through our Lord and Savior all things are possible. I hope the best for them and hope that God will lead me and direct me to help mold them for what their unlimited futures hold for each of them. Am I living up to the responsibilities that God has given me? Will my son's be counted among the Stripling Warriors of our time? I'm afraid that they may have such a battle fought in their lives, and I hope that I can plant that foundation that they need to withstand all that they must and stand as witnesses before man, and have the faith to testify of God and his truth. This is my hope and that I will live up to those responsibilities as have many of the mothers God has trusted with his children before me.

Well here it is 4:15 in the morning and I haven't been to sleep yet and no matter how hard I try I can't seem to. 

Chad is leaving tomorrow~well today now~ for work in TX. This was a very tough decision for us, but one that we feel strongly is the right one for us. It is going to in the long run bless our family, even though the next few months will probably be tough ones. We have never had Chad gone for work since we got the boys, not like before when it was just the two of us. I know that we can do it and I know the Lord will bless us. The boys are doing good because we have had time to prepare for him leaving but the past couple of days they have expressed how sad they are and that they are going to miss him so much. They understand that it is a decision we all made together as a family and they understand why we made it. They show such strength and character I'm so proud of them. I love all of my boys (Big and Small) and know together with the Lord, our family and friends we will make it successfully through this next stage of our lives. 

May 31, 2009

I have not posted much in the past few months. For most of you that read my blog, or use to when I was busy journaling our lives, you know that I have had many heavy thoughts on my heart and situations in our lives. All of theses things have stifled my voice, not just physically but emotionally and even my own mind! I have decided that for my 100th post I need to break the silence!!

I have really tried to NOT use my blog as a "venting" place, to keep it all (mostly) smiles…because in my heart of hearts that is who I really am. I have found myself too absorbed in the problems going on around me. I have at times found myself "venting" too much to those around me, I guess thinking that it will in some way help make me feel better (and sometimes it does). Why do we do that??...Why do I??.. I think in the hope that, for me anyways, that getting it out in the universe gets it out of me and that I can breath again, that saying it out loud will make it hurt less, that it will be therapeutic, that I can sort it all out better by saying it out loud rather than keeping it all locked inside like I normally do. Well I know that what I really need to do is place it in the Lord's hands and then let go!! He knows what has to happen, he knows my heart, he knows me better than I know myself. Only he can give my soul the peace it has been searching for, for all this time. I'm definitely the last to say that I'm a saint and I'm sure that I may need to "vent" again, sorry my dearest friends, but I am saying right here today that I am going to do my best to, LET GO AND LET GOD!!... I am going to try my best to let go of the heaviness and take part in the JOY of LIFE again. I DO NOT want to let the ugliness of life to take over my life, to let it stifle my joy and my true inner voice that has been silenced!!!

To all of my dear friends, first let me thank you for letting me vent and for having the patience with me that you have, and second I'm so sorry that I have had times of being "needy" and have taken your time from you. I never meant for things to evolve to that point, so on ward and forward!!

To my LOVING husband, I say thank you!! for all that we have been through and have survived through and we are still here together. It hasn't been easy, what in life that is worth holding on to is, but it has and will be worth it… as our ever so wise Savior has said.

October 4, 2009 @ 1229am
When I wrote the above in May I thought that I was going to get my posts updated. I truly felt this way then, still do but glad that I have moved forward from where I was then. I feel like I have made great progress and have not "vented" nearly at all. So that is nice to see for one's self, that you have made progress.

I have "censored" myself MANY times when writing my posts. I find myself writing and then re-writing them. I worry about who might be reading what they might say or think. So instead of just saying it, I edit myself. Who does that??... I talked to Chad about the joy of blogging starting to to diminish for me. I was really having a struggle with something that I have loved to do and has brought me so much joy. He told me I was INSANE for worrying about it, that I needed to just say what I wanted to and not care about if someone might not like it. If they don't like what they've read they don’t have to read it anymore!! I agree, even though I really have a hard time when I think I may have upset someone but... REALLY... if someone truly knows and loves me they will understand and if they don't then it's THEIR PROBLEM NOT MINE!!! So I may just be more "frank" than I have in the past.

So those of you that love me thank you for support and unconditional Love you have shown me and my family... AND for those that want to just judge me or our lives, you can just NOT come back to our blog!! AND know that I have Chad's FULL support in that and in what I post here!!!

WOW!!!

I've wanted to say that for the longest time now!!!

FEELS REALLY GOOD!! :)

I look forward to returning to my blog and sharing our lives with the people that we care most about. I have really missed looking at our lives and being grateful for what we have!!

So here goes to a new "freer" Tammy and Blog!! It really won't be too much different but there will be some changes.

After 100 posts there should be some evolution right?!? :)

Ok so now I am VERY officially behind in journaling our lives. So I am going to try and catch up some over the next week or so. I have started many posts and have just not been able to finish them up. I’m not going to do some of the ones back from March and not going to count them as I was...too overwhelming… I’m just going to post what I know that I’ve wanted to, and go through my pictures and do my best to journal what we have been up to. I have some older ones and some newer ones. I’m not going to apologize for being behind (again); I’m just going to take pleasure in getting caught up. :)

I am getting close to my 100th post, I have decided to post some of my thoughts and have been writing it over the past few weeks. (I don’t put any thought in to it all of this at all…lol… like WAY TOO MUCH…lol)

Hope someone enjoys them, and if not… I guess they aren’t reading anymore… I just want to have a record of our lives and a record for the boys… if anyone gets any pleasure out of it, then I have accomplished something that I have always wanted and strived for my entire life…

***to make someone a little happier, a smile on their face, or their life a little better or brighter***
I guess that is my personal mission statement…. Wow… that is an a-hah moment… that has been on my list of things to do for FOREVER!!... and there it is, just spilled out here in my ramblings. My mission statement!!
THANKS DEAR FRIENDS!!!

I just updated the Scripture of the day side bar post…

and WOW I really like this weeks scriptures!!

Very appropriate for this week.

I would have to say that the 10th-14th I LOVE!!!

May 10

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.Proverbs 31:28

May 11

Seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith.D&C 88:118

May 12

He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord.Psalm 113:9

May 13

And now I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times.Alma 7:23

May 14

God hath made me to laugh, so that all that hear will laugh with me.Genesis 21:6 (Ok… so is that me or what.. :) ..lol..

Well what can I say it’s been another month… It’s been a really long month for me and our family. It’s a little ironic that my “electronic journal” and my “written journal” reflect each other, in the way that when things aren’t going so well I have a difficult time writing. It’s not that I can’t find the positives because I normally can do that fairly well, it’s that I don’t want there to be a “recorded” record of what is going on. I guess it’s a way to not admit that everything isn’t “ok”, like you tell everyone. I took a class (that I really should have shared with everyone) and one of the things that we really stressed is that we need to be more honest with our feelings and how we really are doing like when someone says “how are you” you should tell the truth, not just say “fine or great”… you know all of our stand by’s.

So anyways… I’m still not prepared to talk about what we are going through, but give me a few weeks and I’ll tell you all about it (well what I feel like I can share), after all this is suppose to be a story of our lives for the boys and our family, and this is a big thing/time for us. In the mean time we also haven’t had the internet. Every once in a while around midnight I can get a weak signal. So here I am at midnight getting this out. I just needed to post and work my blog. I can say that I have truly missed blogging and all of my blogging friends. I am behind once again with all of yours, right after I had just caught up again…lol… go figure… I think in the next few days we will have a working connection. Then I will get caught up on all of your happenings and see if I can get you caught up on ours.

I do want to say that as far as Chad and I, we are really good, probably better than have been in a really, really long time. The same for the rest of us, it’s not anything like that. Health is good, THANK GOODNESS :), relationships are good, and best of all the boys are doing great!!!

I also would like to thank all of our family and friends that have been so supportive with us and the kindness that you have shown. How VERY blessed we are to have each and every one of you in our lives. I told a friend just last week that after nearly 20 years I finally REALLY feel that I have found my place, a place that I can call “home”. A place where we feel we belong, our friends, our church “family”, excreta. I’ve waited a long time to have that feeling again and I’m just thankful that we’ve found it. Again, THANK YOU dear friends for being the people that you are!!!

It’s a New Year…WOW!!

We’ve all been sick with the flu, and so I got the kids some candy popcorn and soda. They stayed up till midnight (wow I never thought that would happen) and had a Sponge Bob movie marathon till it was time to watch "the ball" come down with Dad. I read and caught up on all my family/friend blog’s and watched the ball come down with the boys, and Chad went to bed early. Boring but all we could muster up this year.

Now where to go from here… I’m going to start with Jimmy’s Birthday (he get’s his own post), then the rest :)…

HAPPY NEW YEAR to all…

WOW... I can't believe that it has been 5 weeks again... must be a magical number for me… lol… I didn't even get my post to look like Christmas or my Christmas music :( ... My favorite time of year and I didn't even share it... insane!!

So much has happened since I posted last…
Jimmy’s Birthday, Thanksgiving, Chad's Mom's Birthday, Christmas, and the everyday living of life. I will work on getting caught up; hit the highlights and then a general post of most everything else.

I hope that all of you had a very MERRY CHRISTMAS and are planning a great new year!! We love our family and friends very much and hope only the best for all of you!!

I have read the scripture of the day many times since I changed it early this morning. It reads: Behold, mine house is a house of order, saith the Lord God, and not a house of confusion. D&C 132:8. WOW I better get on the “BALL”. It is what we have been trying to focus on, getting back some sort of “order” and reduce the “confusion”. I guess that I really was meant to read that scripture right now. I’m going to pretend that it is so that I can get more “clarity” and “drive” to continue what we have been working on and not a huge wake up call to something that I/we have allowed to happen to us in our lives.

**Here’s to all of us getting more clarity and order in our lives, in these very confusing and trying times that we live in.**
PEACE...

HE IS OUR SHEPARD AND OUR ORDER