Four Years Ago...

This is the boys and Steve on the way out to Utah and their first snow...

Four years ago to the day (well on the same weekend), Chad and I started an "adventure" if you must, but defiantly a change for us in our lives. We flew out to CA and rented a Black Tahoe (the vehicle that I have wanted since they came out with them). We visited with our family and then went and picked up Steve and the boys, Jimmy 3 years and 11 months and Chris 1 year and 2 weeks old. Chad and I knew that our lives where going to change and that there would be good and hard times ahead for us. Boy did we not know just how much. We also talked about the fact that it might be a 5 year commitment that we would be making, of course not sure what that might mean to us. There have been some really good times and some really tough times for all of us.

Steve took a chance to come out here and give his boys and himself a new start in life. That is what we offered him, a chance to get out of a really bad and hard situation. He left his life behind packed what he and the boys had and came home with us. We were able to fit everything they owned (minus a bike and 2 dressers) into and on top of the Tahoe. If you've ever seen the back of a Tahoe you know that isn't very much room. He had a really hard time adjusting to life here in Utah, no beach, SNOW. COLD, being away from friends, starting all over, getting a divorce, caring for his young boys, SNOW, COLD (he is a warm blooded kid 70* is cold for him), trying to "fit in", tying to live with his big Sis and her husband (they have a love - hate relationship) This is just a start of many I'm sure, but Steve is resilient and has come out of it well. He has a "carefree" attitude about life, which drives me CRAZY, but has served him well in his life and probably helped him a great deal over the past 4 years. Now he is engaged again and starting to embark on a new adventure in his life. He has moved out (November 14th…I haven't been able to write about it till now, just wasn't ready to yet) and in with his fiancé, (his sisters approve of her greatly!!) with the boys. They will be married sometime in the late Summer.

Chad was not use to having to share his life with anyone, let alone someone that wasn't his spouse. He had never spent much time around children, boy has he come a long way!! He had a hard time "dealing" with Steve and his differences. They have had some good times (I have proof in pictures), and some VERY TOUGH AND ROUGH TIMES. I think that Chad has had some of the hardest challenges to deal with over the past 4 years probably due to his lack of ability to deal with anger, depression, his health problems, and his dislike to change (to just name a few) . As he would say... he could no longer walk through the house naked… not that he ever does, just liked the ability to do so if he should choose to.

We have had some very difficult times over the past 4 years, for many reasons… but through it all and now at the end of that part of our journey, we have learned how to work things through together!! We have learned to depend on each other, to support each other, to communicate with each other (well we are still working on learning that one better). We have learned that we could make good parents, that we have the ability to help others, and love and care for someone else's children. There have been many other things that we have learned from and grown from. The past two years have been very difficult ones for us (even outside of our living situation). Many challenges that I hope we NEVER have to repeat. We aren't all the way through it, one more big one that hopefully will be over very soon. Even through it all I don't know if I would change much, well wish we wouldn't have had to go through it, but we are different people now on the other side of it all, a different couple, a different marriage, and a new life pathway that we are excited to embark on.

Jimmy and Chris have been through a great deal in their short lives. They are embracing this new chapter in their lives. It is a little confusing for Chris still, but they are young and resilient (don't we all wish we could be like children). They get to be with us after school everyday and Chris before school as well. I think that this is helping them as well as us. Chris is excited to have someone to call mom and not get in trouble for doing so. Jimmy is happy but still not talking a lot about it yet, except to say that he is glad that Heavenly Father answered his prayers and that they didn't move to Hawaii like dad wanted to this summer (I must say so is Aunt Tammy!!!!!!). They both love Cheyenne and being with her, I love that they have her she is going to be so good for them!! Time will heal all things, and together we will be strong and happy.

As for me, my life has ever been changed. I love my husband and I'm so glad that we have been able to work through all of this and be stronger now than ever before. I think that we are stubborn enough that without these challenges we would have never chosen to make the changes in our lives that we so need to. I love my family more than I can ever express. We have been through a lot together, and I am the eldest of us now. I made a promise to keep our family together and I intend on keeping that promise. With that said, I love Steve and we DEFIANTLY struggled, and still do. We had some really hard times, but tried to always remember that we are family and all we have. There were some good times as well, but this was a good move for us so that we can work on being brother and sister again instead of being at each other all the time. I was afraid that we would loose sight of what really mattered, because we were to busy being upset and frustrated with each other. Now we can mend things and enjoy being family again and I love that I'm going to have a sister here close to me!! I look forward to our future together!! And then the boys…. What can I say except they have changed my life!!! They filed my heart and filled a very empty whole in my life. I thought that I was going to be ok excepting that I was not going to be a mother, I learned that no in fact I would like to be a mother… I have so much that I would like to give back. I will be forever grateful to the boys for giving me that joy in my life and for sparking my motherhood instincts.

I hope that they will always know how I feel about them and just how special they are to me and Uncle Chad. They will always have a very special place in my life and heart. I have given them a part of my heart that they will have forever!! And now I can spoil them as any special Auntie would love to do!! I hope that they will always want to be apart of our lives as much as we want them to be apart of ours and we apart of theirs.

This is the boys and Steve now...