May 31, 2009

I have not posted much in the past few months. For most of you that read my blog, or use to when I was busy journaling our lives, you know that I have had many heavy thoughts on my heart and situations in our lives. All of theses things have stifled my voice, not just physically but emotionally and even my own mind! I have decided that for my 100th post I need to break the silence!!

I have really tried to NOT use my blog as a "venting" place, to keep it all (mostly) smiles…because in my heart of hearts that is who I really am. I have found myself too absorbed in the problems going on around me. I have at times found myself "venting" too much to those around me, I guess thinking that it will in some way help make me feel better (and sometimes it does). Why do we do that??...Why do I??.. I think in the hope that, for me anyways, that getting it out in the universe gets it out of me and that I can breath again, that saying it out loud will make it hurt less, that it will be therapeutic, that I can sort it all out better by saying it out loud rather than keeping it all locked inside like I normally do. Well I know that what I really need to do is place it in the Lord's hands and then let go!! He knows what has to happen, he knows my heart, he knows me better than I know myself. Only he can give my soul the peace it has been searching for, for all this time. I'm definitely the last to say that I'm a saint and I'm sure that I may need to "vent" again, sorry my dearest friends, but I am saying right here today that I am going to do my best to, LET GO AND LET GOD!!... I am going to try my best to let go of the heaviness and take part in the JOY of LIFE again. I DO NOT want to let the ugliness of life to take over my life, to let it stifle my joy and my true inner voice that has been silenced!!!

To all of my dear friends, first let me thank you for letting me vent and for having the patience with me that you have, and second I'm so sorry that I have had times of being "needy" and have taken your time from you. I never meant for things to evolve to that point, so on ward and forward!!

To my LOVING husband, I say thank you!! for all that we have been through and have survived through and we are still here together. It hasn't been easy, what in life that is worth holding on to is, but it has and will be worth it… as our ever so wise Savior has said.

October 4, 2009 @ 1229am
When I wrote the above in May I thought that I was going to get my posts updated. I truly felt this way then, still do but glad that I have moved forward from where I was then. I feel like I have made great progress and have not "vented" nearly at all. So that is nice to see for one's self, that you have made progress.

I have "censored" myself MANY times when writing my posts. I find myself writing and then re-writing them. I worry about who might be reading what they might say or think. So instead of just saying it, I edit myself. Who does that??... I talked to Chad about the joy of blogging starting to to diminish for me. I was really having a struggle with something that I have loved to do and has brought me so much joy. He told me I was INSANE for worrying about it, that I needed to just say what I wanted to and not care about if someone might not like it. If they don't like what they've read they don’t have to read it anymore!! I agree, even though I really have a hard time when I think I may have upset someone but... REALLY... if someone truly knows and loves me they will understand and if they don't then it's THEIR PROBLEM NOT MINE!!! So I may just be more "frank" than I have in the past.

So those of you that love me thank you for support and unconditional Love you have shown me and my family... AND for those that want to just judge me or our lives, you can just NOT come back to our blog!! AND know that I have Chad's FULL support in that and in what I post here!!!

WOW!!!

I've wanted to say that for the longest time now!!!

FEELS REALLY GOOD!! :)

I look forward to returning to my blog and sharing our lives with the people that we care most about. I have really missed looking at our lives and being grateful for what we have!!

So here goes to a new "freer" Tammy and Blog!! It really won't be too much different but there will be some changes.

After 100 posts there should be some evolution right?!? :)

This was my Easter/Birthday present this year and

I LOVE THEM!!

The three of them were real troopers for me and I really appreciated it!!

I LOVE MY FAMILY!!

As most of you know by now my new job is as

a School Bus Driver.

This is me on one of the buses. I have really

enjoyed working with this great group of people

and especially the kids!!

I've been able to take Jimmy on his first Field Trip

of the year. I knew for three weeks but never told

him and surprised him when he steeped on

the bus!! I don't know who was more excited :).

I have also taken some of our neighborhood kids

on a field trip yesterday, it was a lot of fun too.

I think that this will be a good fit for us and enjoyable!!

JIMMY FINALLY LOST HIS TWO FRONT TEETH!!

sorry for the not cleaned out... we started out with it being but it took a few times to get a good picture...

Jimmy has done a lot of growing up lately!!

He is so excited that this happened!! He is one of the last ones in his class to have lost their front teeth.

He proudly went to school YESTERDAY (yes a new post lol)

and showed anyone that he could :)

FOR FUN!!

Over time Chris has shown that he loves his "blue tongue" ...

I did have to show a picture that it's not just his blue tongue but by far it is

HIS FAVORITE!! :)

Well since May I've taken over 600 pictures... have you seen any of them??? NOPE... I've been a real SLACKER I guess!! I haven't meant to but it is what it is. So I'll do some catch up posts here over the next little while. Some of them will be really old, but after the cold weather today maybe it will be nice to see some warm stuff :)

So here is what Chad and I worked on in May... Our garden. We cleared out the whole back corner of the back yard and then put up a fence. I can't find the pictures of that right now?? We planted 40 different kinds of fruits and veggies. We were so happy with what we had accomplished.

We tried to router till all that grass up after trying to take it out by hand but neither one worked. So we rented this tiller... It worked like a dream!!! Like taking a warm knife through butter :)

The only draw back to this was that now Chad is convinced that we now need to acquire one!!! I'm thinking that when we get out of this mess we've been in he'll be pushing for one!! lol

It looked Awesome and we put a ton of hours into it, the heartache was that the gate did not work at keeping the dogs out of it. They decided that they also loved all the work we did to make them a "play area". I think all the manurer we put in did it in for us. We did everything including putting our dog run back up to keep them out. Ultimately they won and destroyed our work.

Just wait till next year!!

They will HATE life if they even step one single paw in there!! lol

No really we think we have it figured out for next year. I did read that dogs are really hard to keep out of gardens. I read a post that had hundreds of people that were struggling with it. Didn't help that all three of them were ALL young puppies this spring...

NEXT YEAR!!! IT'S ALL OURS!!

We're already planning it :)

Another Testament of Jesus Christ - The Book of Mormon


This is the comment that username "dogbadgereye" said;
"awesome it truly brought the spirit in such a way that is indescribable. What joy we can find in the knowledge that our Father in Heaven loves all his children and gives us the knowledge that he would never forget any of his children."

I couldn't say it any better myself. I found this tonight and I know that the Lord directed me to see it. I needed this and knew that I needed to share it.

I have been trying to figure out what to post since it's been so long. I do have so much to catch up on and wanted my first one back to be something important to me and worth sharing before I start with all the other ones that I need to do. So when I saw this even though it's so late I knew that I needed to take a few minutes and share our SAVIOR'S LOVE with all that I LOVE!!

I hope that you all know how much you are loved by our Savior and that
WE ALL MATTER!!